Why do Seniors move south? Here are reasons:
February 28, 2013 Leave a Comment
Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s
February 27, 2013 Leave a Comment
“Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s.”
“When you get there, you won’t know it.”
We think this came from Bill Cosby.
“How to use a paper towel” — a TED talk
February 25, 2013 Leave a Comment
Informative and amusing — TED talk about how to save paper towels by using only one. Joe Smith enthusiastically demonstrates how this is done by first shaking hands 12 times and then using only one towel — after having folding the towel properly.
Joe says his method, if used by everyone, would save over 12 billions pounds of paper every year.
Comments on the talk:
• Joe Smith is hilarious! I love his funny way of teaching us how to do simple things like using paper towels.
• Clap instead of shake. Clapping is good for your health. It stimulates circulation.
• I do it the French way — wipe hands on apron or trousers.
• Shake your hands and walk out — it’s only water, why do they need to be perfectly dry?
Tiffany’s — embarrassing incicent
February 24, 2013 Leave a Comment
A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY’S. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT.
AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS.
VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR.
AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER…GOOD LOOKING AS WELL . . . COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY’S. HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, “GOOD DAY, MADAM ..HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY?”
BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE INCIDENT SHE ASKS, “SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET?”
HE ANSWERS, “MADAM . . . IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT . . . YOU’RE GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.
Benefit of aging — suicide attempt fails
February 24, 2013 Leave a Comment
Ageing Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, “Your heart would be just below your left breast.”
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot would to her left knee.
16 men’s views about marriage
February 23, 2013 Leave a Comment
The great question, which I have not been able to answer, . . . is,
“What does a woman want?”
Dumas
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud