All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old man!

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

“Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.

“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all them assholes,” and calmly returned to his seat.

 

The Deaf Wife!   An elderly man decided his wife was getting hard of hearing.  So he called her doctor to make an appointment  to have her hearing checked.   The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, but meanwhile,   there’s a simple, informal test the husband could do to  give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem. “Here’s what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her,  and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you.  If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”   So that evening she’s in the kitchen cooking dinner,   and he’s in the living room, and he says to himself,     “I’m about 40 feet away,  let’s see what happens.”   “Honey, what’s for dinner?”  He calls. No response.   So he moves to the other end of the room,  about 30 feet away.  “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response.   So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away.  “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response.   On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”. No response.   So he walks right up behind  her and screams. “HONEY, what’s for dinner??!?!”   His wife turns to him a rage.   “I told you, CHICKEN!  For the FIFTH TIME, it’s CHICKEN!!!”     Blessings to You & Family   Christine         nb Listen to the beautiful audio attachment “Down Memory Lane”

 

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of a low price is forgotten

“Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s.”

“When you get there, you won’t know it.”

We think this came from Bill Cosby.

Informative and amusing — TED talk about how to save paper towels by using only one. Joe Smith enthusiastically demonstrates how this is done by first shaking hands 12 times and then using only one towel — after having folding the towel properly.

Joe says his method, if used by everyone, would save over 12 billions pounds of paper every year.

Comments on the talk:

• Joe Smith is hilarious! I love his funny way of teaching us how to do simple things like using paper towels.

• Clap instead of shake. Clapping is good for your health. It stimulates circulation.

• I do it the French way — wipe hands on apron or trousers.

• Shake your hands and walk out — it’s only water, why do they need to be perfectly dry?