Supermarket Music

“The Sound of Aging,” sung by Julie Andrews

 

Julie Andrews Turning 79 – this is hysterical! 

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.  One of                                                       the musical numbers she performed was ‘My Favorite Things’ from the legendary movie ‘Sound Of Music’.  Here are the lyrics she used:

 

(Sing It!) – If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!

 

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

 

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,

And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

 

When the joints ache, When the hips break, 

When the eyes grow dim, 

Then I remember the great life I’ve had, 

And then I don’t feel so bad.

1962 vs 2012

This should be sent only to those whose level of

maturity qualifies them to relate to it…

1962: Long hair
2012: Longing for hair

 

1962: Acid rock
2012: Acid reflux

1962: Moving to California because it’s cool
2012: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

[Read more…]

Will Rogers

If you have a memory like mine , this is brand new…

Never squat with your spurs on

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd. [Read more…]

Monk needs help opening a book

Need a laugh today?

  

If you need a laugh today, this should take care of it

and if it doesn’t, nothing will.

Adults Only!


Adults only

 

NUDE SANTA —–

Scroll down to see the nude Santa

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For crying out loud.  Act your age.  There is no Santa !

Your schedule — you have a choice

The Wheels Of Life

What was the name of that restaurant?

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.  I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love?  You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man.  He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’