Thanks to Robert Plank for sending this to us
Post Turtle
April 15, 2013 Leave a Comment
A rancher is talking about politics with a young man from the city. He compares a politician to a “post turtle.” The young man doesn’t understand and asks him what’s a post turtle.
The rancher says, “When you’re driving down a country road and you see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”
“You know he didn’t get up there by himself. He doesn’t belong there. He can’t get anything done while he’s up there. You just want to help the poor, dumb thing down.”
Shopping at Tesco . . .
Breaking News: Elderly man stopped by police at 2:00 a.m.
April 8, 2013 Leave a Comment
An elderly man was stopped by police around 2:00 a.m. and asked where he was going at that time of night.
“I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effect it has on the human body as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The office then asked, “Really who’d be giving that lecture at this time of night?”
“That would be my wife.”
6 Secrets to Longevity
March 26, 2013 Leave a Comment
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above.
She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?” [Read more…]
Tiffany’s — embarrassing incicent
February 24, 2013 Leave a Comment
A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY’S. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT.
AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS.
VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR.
AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER…GOOD LOOKING AS WELL . . . COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY’S. HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, “GOOD DAY, MADAM ..HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY?”
BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE INCIDENT SHE ASKS, “SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET?”
HE ANSWERS, “MADAM . . . IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT . . . YOU’RE GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.